The Clumsy Girl Chronicles

I’m a clumsy girl. So far this week I’ve managed to almost lose an eye, get run over by a car trying to park, and verbally embarrassed myself at the store I work. I’ve been told a few times I should consider living in a bubble. Tempting but I don’t think I could deal with everyone laughing at me every time I get stuck in a door.

Let’s start with me almost losing my eye. I was in the stock room at work getting a metal pole type thing to hang a few pairs of jeans on for a display. I tripped slightly (for me it was slightly…) and as I reached my hands forward to brace myself the pole type thing got me right under the eye. Just a half inch more and I would only have to put make up on one eye. I would have gotten a bad ass eye patch though…

How does one get almost run over by a car that’s trying to park? I was walking out of the eye doctor’s office when I heard my text message alert go off. Walking and digging in my purse at the same time I didn’t notice the cement stopper that is used to keep cars from parking too far. I tripped, phone in hand, when I glanced up and noticed there’s a giant red SUV heading right for me. Quick like a gazelle on the African plain after hearing the faint footsteps of its predator nearby, I leapt to the side and survived. Ok, well actually it was more like me thinking SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT and then awkwardly jumping to the side only to run into my own car.

And saving the best for last…

I was at work dressing a mannequin when I noticed she was stuck on the rod she stands on. I pulled and pulled, my hands awkwardly placed on her stumpy little legs when I said, a little too loudly for all to hear, ‘I can’t get her off!’ One of my bosses walked by giggling, ‘That’s what HE said!’ It took a minute for me to realize what I said…