The Pigs

A game that my friends and I played while traveling around Europe.

**Edit**
Due to recent events I feel the need to inform everyone that the pigs feature in this video have never been to Mexico. They were born and raised in a small village outside of London and have recently retired and are enjoying their golden years in Salzburg, Austria.

Today Was a Day Like Any Other

Today began like any other. My sleep is some what under control and I really needed to bring my computer into Tech Guys because for some reason the charger wasn't charging. So I used up the last precious moments of my computers life to figure out how to get to PC World. Easy enough....just take the bus I normally take into town and from there take a different bus.

I stood at the second bus stop, fidgetting with my Ipod, humming, looking at my finger nails, probably made a few weird faces when this older 'gentleman' approached me. In one hand he had a sandwich and the other a huge bottle of juice...oh and let's not forget the massive black eye he was sporting. He started talking to me but I could barely understand his heavy Welsh accent. After about 5 minute of me saying, 'Sorry, I didn't catch that. I'm sorry, what?' I finally understood what he was asking.

'Um, well would you go with me to the cash machine?'

'Actually, I have to wait on the bus. I really need to get some where.'

'Oh well, I really need to get cash out and I was going to pay for a cab to take you where you need to go.'

'No, but thanks. I already paid for my bus pass.'

What the hell? Is asking a girl to the cash machine serial killer code for 'follow me to this dark alley so that I may stab you several times and stuff you in my trunk.' Well, actually here in the UK the trunk is called the boot...but that's besides the point.

Later that day I was on my way back to the bus stop to head home when I noticed something grey out of the corner of my eye. I turned and saw a pigeon flying towards me. For some reason it didn't really click in my brain...I saw the pigeon flying towards and yet the only thing I could think was, 'Wow, that bird is really close.'

And then it happened. The wing of the pigeon hit me right on the bridge of my nose. I don't remember what happened in those 5 seconds except me thinking 'OH MY GOD IT HIT ME! MY FACE WILL NEVER BE CLEAN AGAIN!' I heard the flutter of feathers and the giggles of people who saw the accident.

The minute I got home I went straight for the bathroom to scrub the skin off my face. I don't really need that skin anyway.

The Red Light District

A few weeks ago I went on a weekend trip to Amsterdam. One of my favorite tour companies offered an evening tour through the Red Light District and I was quick to sign up. The Red Light District not only has the hookers standing in the windows and the 'special' cafes but it littered with tiny theaters that offer live sex shows.

One of the girls on the tour was telling me about one of the places she had been to before she came to Amsterdam when we passed one of the sex theaters and noticed a man standing in front of it, trying to entice people to come inside.

'NAKED MAN, NAKED WOMAN, NAKED DOG!'

I had to stop for a minute to make sure I heard that correctly. And sure enough the man repeated it.

'NAKED MAN, NAKED WOMAN, NAKED DOG!'

I turned back to my friends and couldn't stop giggling. If I wasn't on a paid tour I probably would have paid money to go into the theater to see this 'naked' dog. Was it wearing a sweater and does a little strip tease? Does the naked man or woman shave the dog? To this day I'm still curious about this naked dog.

The Ninja PostMan

A few weeks before I was to backpack around Europe I ordered a pair of new sneakers. I spent WEEKS searching online for the right pair. I finally settled on a pair of black and white Kangaroos.

I came home to find a red and white piece of paper that said, 'Sorry you were out!' Hm, weird but at least it gave me a web address where I could schedule a redelivery of my new shoes. It was set up for two days later, on a day I wouldn't have to be in class.

I woke up that day, excited. I would have my new shoes today! I heard a light tapping on the door downstairs, which was odd considering that door is never closed. I know, I know safety first always keep that door locked. But you tell the assholes downstairs that.

Anyway, as my foot gets to the bottom landing I saw it. The Ninja Postman's ninja star. Red and white, gleaming with mockery. I pick it up off the floor, unfold it, and fill with rage. "Sorry, you were out.' I was not out! I was here! Upstairs, waiting!! BASTARD.

I scheduled another redelivery. And this time I would be waiting for him. I noticed the time on both cards, roughly around 11am. At 10:30 on the scheduled day I made my way downstairs. The plan was to sit and wait for the Ninja Postman and demand he give me my shoes, the very shoes he's been holding hostage. And there it was.

GOD DAMNIT! DAMN YOU NINJA POSTMAN!!!

This time I called them. Another redelivery was scheduled and I gave them specific instructinos that if I wasn't there to take the box to the super intendants office and they would be able to sign for it. I went to class that day and came home to find, yet another ninja star.

This has gone on far enough, it's been two weeks! Two whole weeks of this shinanagans!! I called them again and unfortunately I wasn't so nice. I called the company I bought the shoes from and explained the situation. Then when that was cleared up I went downstairs with tape and the ninja stars. I taped up a message for the Ninja Postman and left his ninja stars as a warning.

The next day I awoke to loud knocks on the door by my flat. There he was...the bastard that's been keeping my shoes from me. He glared at me, I glared at him, both readying ourselves for a possible battle.

He left and I took my package to my room. I tore the plastic off the box and ripped open the box. Finally, after all these weeks (ok...it was only 2..) I had my shoes! I took one showly out the box...I could hear the angels singing. And just like that it stopped.

These weren't the shoes I ordered. They weren't even the same style! Cute, black, wedge heel, not really ideal for walking around europe in though. Bastard Ninja Postman strikes again!

The Amazing Race

We finally made it to our final destination of the three week backpack around Europe. We've already been to Amsterdam but I was still pretty damn excited. Something you never really hear about is how beautiful the city really is. Instead you hear mainly about coffee shops and the 'specials' they offer.

At about 1 am we got to the hostel, Amsterdam Center Hostel...or was it Hostel Center. I can't remember and I don't really care to. I was ready to pay my half of the payment but my other two friends didn't have enough cash. That was fine, the guy behind the desk told them where the nearest ATM and since I had my cash I watched the bags. I glanced around the room, sitting on a stool with my backpack still on when the guy behind the counter decided he wanted to chat. He glided from behind the desk and leaned against the table in front of me, arms folded across his chest and his eyes looking down on me.

'So your friends don't have money?"

'Um, they do, just not on them...that's why they had to use the ATM.' (Duh...)

He gave me a slow and creepy smile as I noticed it was just me and him in this tiny 'reception' room.

'So how was your trip here? Come to Amsterdam to do some...' He glanced around making sure no one was around behind he lifted his hand towards his mouth, imitating a smoker.

'No, none of us smoke. We've been here before and we just thought it was a pretty city to visit.'

Have you ever met someone and just looking at them sends icy shivers down your spine? As uncomfortable as I was I just smiled at him and looked towards the door, hoping someone else would come in here. After a few more minutes of awkward chit chat my friends showed up. Unfortunately, the ATM hadn't worked so they got directions for another one. Lucky for me though, as they walked out the door another one of the guests of the hostel walked in and sat down at the table by mine and started a conversation with him.

Finally, my two friends came back still without cash. But we had enough to cover that night and the night after so creepy behind the counter said it was fine to finish paying tomorrow. He then asked if two of us would mind sharing a bed the next night. We would get a 50% discount for that night. But since it was so late we told him that we would let him know the next morning. Getting to the room I noticed that we were in a room with 8 beds, not the 6 bed dorm I had booked. That was something that could wait until the morning.

Once we were showered and dressed, Patricia and I made out to visit the front desk and figure out if we wanted to share a bed or not. A different guy at the desk explained that the two sharing the bed would each pay half for sharing the bed. We decided it would be better to keep our beds. I also asked about the room situation, he looked at the booking papers, and offered to take the difference from the room off what we had remaining on the bill. Problem solved and we promised we would return in the afternoon or evening and pay the rest.

My other friend Mia made a quick stop int he hostel in the afternoon and came back to tell me and Patricia that the guy at the hostel had taken our bags and moved them into a 6 bed dorm. What the hell?

We got back to the hostel and find a different guy behind the desk. This guy claimed to be the owner and proudly told us how they did us a favor moving our heavy bags to the new room. They took our bags barely 10 feet to the room next door...I've been carrying my bag on my back for 3 weeks. Baby.

He told us that we had been moved to the right room and we now owe him more money. I disagreed and wanted to know why our things were moved without our permission. He said it was because we weren't in the room. Well, duh what else are suppose to do...sit in the lounge/reception area and have more conversations with creepy employee? Patricia tried asking why everything was changed when we had fixed everything that morning with the other guy.

Does it ever bother you when you're talking to someone and they never look you in the eyes?

He said he was the owner and had final say over everything. Which is why the deal from this morning was void. Patricia and I kept asking him why things had changed and that it was completely unacceptable for them to even touch our belongings without us there. He replied with 'You girls think you're so smart. I don't make mistakes.'

Then tell me why we were put in an 8 bed dorm when I booked 6? Or why his employee asked if two of us could share a bed...oh that's right,he doesn't make mistakes. He then gave us another option. We could check out early and we were more then happy to accept. We got the keys to the previous room and the new room, making sure all of stuff was together.

Before we left I asked him to give me copies of any transactions that were done on my card, since I booked the room. One thing their profile on Hostelbookers failed to mention was that they took the amount of the first night from the card you book with. Well apparently my card hand't worked the first time, second time, or third time so I had quite a bit of money on hold. He went on a 5 minute spiel on how they never withdraw money from the card unless we didn't show up the first night.

That was not my question. I asked again, how many times they used my card to book the room and he once again told me how they never withdraw money from the cards. Ok, asshole, one more time, how many times did you type my credit card number in your broken credit card machine and can you give me copies of that? He told me that they don't keep paper work and wrote on a blue post it note that they didn't withdraw cash. I took the 'official' post it, gave him an evil glare, and walked out.

Something I forgot to mention was while I was packing I made a phone call to the airline to see what flights they had heading to London. It was Easter weekend and knew that Satan would be throwing snowballs before we could find another hostel to stay at. So instead, we otped to cut the trip short and head home. The next and last flight of the night would be taking off in an hour and a half.

Shit.

We found the cabs and jumped in the first one and told the man we needed to get to the airport as fast as he could take us. We were taking our bags out of the trunk 15 minutes later. Patricia found the airline counter and I had Mia scout for an information desk in case we missed that flight. There were two guys ahead of us in this line, semi drunk, and taking forever.

God damn you.

After what seemed like forever they finished and made their way to the check in desk. I flung my passport and wallet on to the counter and asked the guy what the chances were we could make the last flight to London. He smiled, took my passport, and said he could get us on.

Thank you!!

79 euros later and I was waiting on the woman behind the check in desk to put sticker thing on my backpack. Unfortunately, my super cool backpack was considered 'odd sized' and had to be checked in at the 'odd sized baggage' desk. Not a problem...until we got there and saw it. The damn sign that said, 'Back in 5 minutes'

SHIT!

Patricia and I turned back and went for the check in desk again. The woman said we had to check our things at the odd sized desk and Patricia interupted her and said no one was there. Then the guy who changed our flight saw us at the check in desk and said we didn't need to check our bags here, we could do that at the gate and we need to leave NOW.

The cool part was we got to skip the long security line. Jumped to the front, got my passport stamped, and tried to remember what gate I was suppose to go to. D22...on the other side...

Oh sweet holy Jesus.

I didn't have time to put my backpack on properly, so instead the 17 kilos hung on my right shoulder as I followed the girls to the gate. Pain going through my shoulder as I rushed through the airport, counting the gates.

D2, D4, D6.....Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit!!!!

Turning a corner I saw it. Sweet, sweet salvation. Running to the gate, my backpack hanging off my shoulder, my face was red and covered in sweat, (sexy image huh?) but I made it. I dropped my bag on the scanner machine while the staff smiled and gave me the thumbs up.

'Yay! You made it. It's ok, you made the flight!'

I found my seat ont he plane and smiled, knowing in a few hours I would be back in my room in Swansea getting my things ready to come home.

I Can Hear You

It seems that people have now decided to flaunt that they're having sex around me. I don't mean they're having sex right in front of me. No, no that would be craziness. Instead, people have decided to share in their sexy times with me by letting me hear about it.

Case number 1: We were staying in a hostel in Rome and considering the city, the room was in pretty good shape. All the bunk beds were lined against the same wall and in between each bed was a set of two lockers, one on top of the other which prevented you from seeing anyone in the bed next to yours. I couldn't sleep much on the last night in Rome and finally began dozing off around midnight. About 3 am the other roommates came back, drunk, loud, laughing. Bitches. As I finally got into a comfortable spot in bed I heard a noise coming from the bed the only boy in the room was sleeping in. I couldn't quite make it out but then heard the giggles of one of the girls. And then I heard it. It was loud and fast. Thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap!!!! Now, it's fine and dandy to get your rocks off but come on now. Have some consideration for others. I don't care if you're having sex or getting a 'happy ending' I just don't want to hear it.

So I reached over my pile of crap that was resting peacefully next to my bed and reached for my ipod. In the process, I knocked over a pair of sunglasses, bottle of aloe vera(I burn easily...), and a bottle of water. Suddenly, the giggling stopped and I heard a lot of 'shushing.' My arm froze in midair, my hand clutching my ipod tightly. Then I noticed a faint light coming from the party bed. And then it was quiet. As I began to slip the ear pieces into my ears and hit the play button on my ipod I heard snoring. Typical man.

Case number 2: It's been a long 3 weeks travelling through Europe. Especially, the last few days. I only got home last night and waking up this morning everything hurts, especially my right shoulder. After yesterdays 'Amazing Race' moment, rushing to the airport, changing our flights, running through security with a 17 kilo backpack hanging on just my right shoulder. So, today became my 'lazy I'm not even brushing my damn hair' day. I've spent most of the day curled up in my bed reading from my new book when I heard it.

It was soft, faint, a little distance. Maybe the guy downstairs was 'entertaining' a lady friend. And from the sounds of it she was mighty entertained. But then it got a little louder, and a little louder, a little bit more louder and I realized it was coming from the room directly across from mine. The only ones home at the moment are myself, the only other girl roommate and her gal pal.

I thought maybe they were watching a movie. Until I heard one of them say the others name and figured that couldn't be a coincidence. I dug my nose deeper into my book and they got louder. I quietly read to myself so I could hear my own voice and not theirs and they still got louder. I read a little louder and was debating if I wanted to start screaming the words that were on the page I was reading (which would have been.....WE HAVE POTENTIAL ACCESS TO SORCERERS, NECROMANCERS, SHAMANS, WITCHES, EVERY CONCEIVABLE VESSEL OF MAGIC) when it suddenly became quiet.

I get it. You're having sex. Lucky you. Now please turn your volume down a notch, or 10, and let me read my damn book in peace.

*P.S. I just heard the Asian kid downstairs throw up. Again.

The Naked Man

Since it was such a nice morning, Patricia and I decided to head over to the beach. Once we made it to the beach I covered my porcelain skin in sunblock and slowly and cautiously made my way to the water. At this point Patricia was already swimming around in the water talking on and on and on about how nice the water was. I barely had my toes in and was already shivering.

There was only the two of us and I used that excuse to keep me out of the water since I noticed some weird teenage boy circling our stuff. I would stand by our things and he would sit about 10 feet away. A few minutes later when he realized I wasn't leaving our stuff unattended while he seet a few feet away he left. Creepy kid.

Eventually, I got myself into the water. Splashing around, shivering, and swearing like a pirate. It was at this point we noticed another guy walking in our direction. Neither one of us had our glasses on so we couldn't tell if he was free ballin' at the beach or just happend to have on a flesh colored speedo. Thus, the debate began.

'No, I think he might have a speedo on...'

'It looks like he's wearing a censor bar in the front...'

'Maybe it's a skin toned speedo?'

'Who would wear a skin toned speedo to the beach....oh my god..'

At this point the man turned around and we saw crack. He then began to swagger his way in our direction and we saw everything. It was as if he wanted to show off his junk to the two only girls in the water. He paused a few feet in front of us, posed for a second, then turned around and headed back where his naked ass came from.

We giggled for about 10 minutes after that. Oh naked man.